Today was an emotional roller coaster. I got home and saw the UPS doortag, even though yesterday UPS said they'd leave a note to the driver to deliver after 4:00pm. I thought, for a moment, they would come back and deliver after 4:00pm, but when I checked the doortag it said they'd redeliver tomorrow. I suppose in the grand scheme of things this is fine, but I was absolutely livid at the time. I was livid that my $10,000 camera would be delayed by a day—how rough my life is, I thought. But I was wrong! The absolute HERO of the UPS driver returned at 4:14 pm and delivered it! I have it now! And it's amazing!

Figure 1 My customized Leica M11

Here it is. My Leica M11 with the custom Brombeere ("Blackberry") leather wrap! It's so pretty. I was worried that the color would look brown, but definitely looks dark red/purple.

I just can't stop winning. The color looks fantastic. I spent weeks worried in the interim thinking that Brombeere ("Blackberry") would look more brown that wine, but I was wrong. If you look at the images above, it's clearly wine colored, like I wanted. It also arrived in a reasonable time. AND Leica America was kind enough to call UPS. AND the UPS driver was kind enough to come back. I truly don't deserve such kindness, but here I am as the benefactor. I wish I could leave the UPS driver a positive review.

I only have one lens for it right now: the Summicron-M 35mm f/2 ASPH. It's shown in Figure 2 (above).I feel like it's a bit small, but Leica claims that's the selling point. There's a nonzero probability I will, one day, like the small compact size given that I like other cameras and objects for the same reason. But I also have such viscous Noctilux dreams for some reason I just want to see some big class in front of my camera.

Figure 2 My customized M11 with the Summicron-M 35mm f/2 ASPH Lens.

At the moment, I only own one lens: the Summicron-M 35mm f/2 ASPH Lens. It's a fairly compact lens that cost me $3400 (which by Leica standards is cheap). I picked 35mm if only because everyone online said 35mm was pretty versatile. I still dream of the 50mm Noctilux, though.

I don't have much time tonight to experiment with it, but this weekend I plan to read through the manual and move through the menus to get everything going. My Saturday is going to be absolutely packed with the massive Saturday anime lineup, coupled with reading through the Leica manuals and getting everything up to speed. I may try to ensure I wake up early and power through my morning walk. I just can't believe how well everything went this week. The calligraphy supplies. The ink. The camera. This is easily the best week I've had in my life. I'm feeling good.

Other Remarks

I changed my mind. After using the Speedball 101 nibs, I actually think they're good. They're certainly very scratchy, but the performance is honesty great. I also think my technique could improve. I think I need much lighter pressure on my upstrokes. My iron gall ink has shipped from Britain, AND my Higgins Eternal ink finally shipped. I'm really looking forward to getting both! I also think I fixed, or perhaps know how to further fix, those Zebra needs. I really like them, but they simply were not holding ink. I read online that this may be because the company put some anti-rust oils on them, which makes sense because they could barely hold any ink at all. I tried cleaning them off a bit, and I may try to clean them off a bit more this weekend to see if I can get better ink retention.

My current Runescape schedule is pretty fixed these days. I start the combat macro when I leave for work, then supervise it all day via Parsec. Then, when I get home from work, I continue running it until I start eating dinner, where I try to complete Fish Flingers while I eat dinner. Then, I farm divine charges to makeup for all the charges I lost during combat. While I'm doing that, I practice Spencerian script in two ways. I do the standard pencil writing on the lightboard, which also acts as a daily journal entry. And then, I also have been practicing with the flex nib now that I've gotten it. This actually leads to more than an hour of day of practice, so that may be why I feel like I'm doing pretty well. At night, or perhaps when I'm at work during the day, I also work on making posts for Morganna's House.

For as long as I can remember, I've always hated the idea of buying anything "used". I would, at great lengths and great expensive, always ensure I bought the newest, or newer, version of something. For example, one of the reasons I refuse to go to the library isn't the fact that I don't like books (I read everyday), but the fact that I had the idea of reading a used book. To me, for some absurd reason, the idea that someone else has read a book makes it seem as if the knowledge contained therein has somehow been defiled, and I'm unable to bring myself to read it. That's not to say I'd never read a used book, I would if there was simply no alternative (perhaps it's out of print), but it does mean I'll actively avoid it, and go to great lengths to ensure I don't.

This principle applies to virtually all of my shopping habits. There are so many times in my life where, if given the chance, and the chance was certainly given, I would have been able to save money by buying something used. But I just can't do it. Or, more properly, I could do it if I had to, but I won't do it because I have a choice. And that choice is consistent: everything is brand new. But why, I ask myself somewhat seriously, do I do this? I think the earlier analysis regarding the "defiled book" is one of the primary reasons. If I get an item, and article of clothing, or whatever, it feels as though the item itself has somehow been defiled it someone else used it before me.

Figure 1

An AI generated anime girl shopping in a store. Only buying new things, I'm sure.

What has exactly lead me to this belief I'm not certain. I wish I could point to an example where I bought something used and it didn't work and, at the very least, I could point to that prototypical case that resulted in my general distrust for used goods. For example, here's where I spent a lot of money on something used and it was actually broken. But this simply hasn't ever happened, because I've never done it. The demand in the "purity" of an item must be intrinsic, and it likely stems, or is at least related to, my other extremely strict intrinsic moral character that resulted categorical refusal to ever smoke or drink (and, in turn, to think morally less of the people who do).

That refusal to smoke, drink alcohol, or even drink caffeine is an interesting one, too. Surely that must be related to my "purity" in purchasing habits, but so too I'm not sure where that came from. I've always been steadfastly opposed to such things. Even when I was in school, people would make fun of me for my steadfast refusal. I actually recall a scenario where I watched Requiem for a Dream when I was a freshmen in high school, and thought it would be beneficial to, somehow, convince our health class to watch it because of its strong anti-drug message. I of course was too shy to do such a thing, but I must say that movie did leave a deep impression on me for several years thereafter. In fact, I remember just sitting in chair doing nothing for 30 minutes after watching it because of how brutal its depiction of human addition was.

Figure 2

An AI generated anime girl shopping in a store wearing a black trench coat. I feel like the black trench coat maybe looks a bit too formal here.

Although, to be clear I don't think the defiled principle is the only reason. Another strong motivator is likely my need to always have the latest and greatest. If I buy something, and in one month a new and better version comes out, my enjoyment of said product is significantly reduced. In fact, one of my biggest fears when buying a consumer electronic is precisely that. I buy a camera or something, then the next day the brand new version comes out with double the "gygo-pixels" and I'm left standing their feeling like a might idiot. In fact, the fear of that happening is so gripping it's actually stopped me from buying things in the past.

Other Remarks

I emailed Leica earlier this morning, perhaps just an hour ago, asking if they, on their end, could schedule and evening or Saturday delivery for my M11. It is likely that they will get back to me sometime today, and somewhere in the space below I'll post an update. As I type this exact sentence, I'm actually sitting at work, somewhat bored out of my mind. I have some work to do, but it's quite mild. I'm very far ahead in my work (I'm already at the point where I'm reviewing electricity and magnetism content for next semester), and to a large extent I can easily put that off for a more convenient time when I find myself with more motivation to review it. For some reason, now, I'd really like to just type on Morganna's House. As discussed multiple times before, there's something I find therapeutic about just sitting back and typing/writing. So, perhaps when I'm miserable and work I can at the very least relax to the sound of my keyboard as I type away on my screen.

Ah, much to my surprise Leica did get back to me and they told me they'd contact UPS on my behalf and attempt to schedule and evening or Saturday delivery. I'm actually quite surprised. I still don't know if UPS will be able to fulfill their request, but we're now much further along than I ever expected to be earlier this morning. Earlier this morning I fully resigned myself to the doortag, and perhaps hoping, at the very least, they'd drop it off at the UPS store the next day (or maybe I could pick it up directly from the warehouse). But given Leica's email I may be able to save myself a huge amount of time, trouble, and mental anguish!

I ordered some more calligraphy supplies the other day on Amazon, and they should arrive today. I ordered some smaller bottles for ink, which should (hopefully) let me use the much dryer iron-gall ink for my flex nib. I also have the reorder of the broken water bowl coming today. To be honest, that water bowl is likely a bit too big. I think it'd be easier to use one of the empty ink bottles simply filled with water—now that I type that out I realize that idea was so much more practical. Still, I doubt that Amazon will even be able to ship the porcelain bowl correctly without breaking it like last time, in which case should it arrive broken again I don't know what I'm going to do. They're both out for delivery now, so I'll keep my fingers crossed. If the stars align, I'll get a perfectly intact water bowl and a evening or Saturday delivery of my M11. More likely, however, I'm about to get a broken bowl and a doortag.

Figure 3 More calligraphy supplies arrive today!

An AI generated anime practicing calligraphy at her desk. Every time I tell AI to generate an anime girl doing calligraphy, I always get Easter brush calligraphy, but I guess this makes sense given the training sets they have probably primarily includes those samples.

The ink situation is one I hope to get resolved very soon. All the fountain pen inks I have are bad. I thought the Waterman was good, but I was sorely mistaken. After mixing a newer bottle with an older one, the ink became too runny and feather too easily, on all papers. The only ink I have that doesn't father is the iron gall registrar's ink, and I just ordered more today. I don't know if I did the right thing when I ordered it, though. The website sells only 1 bottle of ink at a time, and I tried to order 2, so I hope the shipper just puts the 2 in the same package. The Higgins Eternal ink I ordered STILL hasn't shipped!! I paid $14 for shipping and absolutely nothing has happened!! I'm going to give it until the end of the week then email the seller on eBay, but it's utterly ridiculous that they're taking this long to ship an ostensibly "in stock" item. On that note, I really feel like I'm improving with the flex nib. I think if I get the right ink and inkwell, I'll be able to make massively more progress. The Zebra nib I'm using now feels much better (and looks nicer) than the Speedball I was using before. I may, at one point, try the Speedball again now that I have the Bloom nib that lets me adjust the angle at which the nib contacts the page, but for now I'll stick with the Zebra because it seems to clean off pretty easily. In fact, ink flows so easily off the Zebra it's actually hard to keep any ink on it at all sometimes. It's perhaps too smooth and too polished. That may be a good thing, though. Because ink flows off of it so easily, it's unlikely to get damaged from residual iron pigments from the corrosive iron gall ink.

I started reading My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok last night. And, I'll be completely honest, it started off a bit boring. The first page was strong, but the rest is him talking about his childhood and I didn't find it too interesting yet. I'll try to read a bit more of it tonight and see if I enjoy it. It may start a bit slow like other books I've read, then really pick up. If it doesn't, I still have the digital photography book I can read.

I just can't stop winning! It's the end of the day now, and Leica contacted UPS who agreed to deliver the M11 after 4:00pm!! And Amazon delivered all my calligraphy supplies without breaking anything!! AND and the weirdo backwards final exam schedule was reverted, and we returned to our original one. Back-to-back wins today!! It was a great day.

There's only one (1) calculator I've used for the last 15 years of my life, and it will likely be the only calculator I will ever use: The Texas Instruments ("TI") Voyage 200. I first encountered this calculator when I was a sophomore in high school—I saw a math teacher using it. Then, as a junior, I convinced my father to buy one for me. Originally, I bought it only because it looked cool. I thought the full keyboard made it look powerful. What I didn't know then but I do know now is that it was very powerful. In terms of features, it's actually the most powerful calculator Texas Instruments ever made (in terms of processing power, though, it obviously isn't, as any newer calculator would obviously eclipse it).

Figure 1 One of my TI Voyage 200's.

I actually own several. My oldest one is currently at school, were I use it almost every day for bellwork any other various tasks. I've since bought several more used ones on eBay, and even bought a new (in box) one on eBay that had a broken circuit board that I was able to fix with a cheap soldering job (I can't believe it worked!).

I like the TI Voyage for two reasons. The first, is the breadth and depth of its feature list. Solve. Plot. Symbolic manipulations. Vectors. Matrices. You name it. Because it was made without concern for approval on standardized testing, it has tons of features other calculators normally wouldn't have, like a full screen keyboard and a computer algebra system. The second is the awesome design. The full keyboard on a calculator is amazing. Not because you use it all the time (you don't), but because it makes the calculator look so much better. I mean, if the calculator is going to be on your desk and in your hands for extended periods of time, it better look good while doing it. Furthermore, it does not have a built-in rechargeable lithium-ion battery. Instead, it just has 4 AAA batteries that you swap out (that themselves are rechargeable) to increase the longevity of the calculator.

Figure 2 A page from the TI Voyage 200 manual.

The .pdf manual that comes with the TI Voyage is over 1000 pages long! It contains more features any other calculator they ever produced. They made this full well knowing it'd never be used on a test, and I feel like it was one of the last great calculators ever made. Afterwards, with the strength of smartphones, any development for a calculator would have been diverted to a smartphone app. And the dedicated calculators still made today are mainly made to comport with standardized testing standards, not for breadth and depth of features. I feel like I like dedicated calculators for the same reason I like having a dedicated camera.

The TI Voyage 200 is one of the few things that actually get me compliments. Well, joking compliments, but compliments nonetheless. Whenever anyone sees it, it's full keyboard, it's a real conversation piece. Even more so that it's functional. I like it so much that I don't plan to really use any other calculator in my life. Instead, when I got the opportunity I actually bought more used TI Voyages on eBay. In fact, just trying this tempts me to buy more (perhaps I will when I get my big bonus on Friday!), because I really don't want to use any other calculator for the rest of my life. There are some things I'm flexible on, but this isn't it. There will never be another dedicated black and white calculator with a full keyboard and as many features as this. I know that this is the best it's gonna get.

Other Remarks

It was blistering cold today. With the wind chill, it was below zero. I loved it! I'm already looking forward to my morning walks this weekend if it remains this cold. I rarely see people in the morning, and when it's cold I don't see anyone at all, which makes the walk a bit more enjoyable. Honestly, I should just find some abandoned places to walk around, although I don't think there are too many around where I live. Much to my surprise, Leica got back to me and told me my camera's leather replacement was done. I got invoiced and billed today, so I imagine I should get my camera back soon. I haven't been sent a UPS tracking number yet, but it easily has to be less than 2 weeks out, which is about what I expected. I'm not sure if it's on its way back from Germany, or if it's already in the United States and I'm just waiting on Leica America to pack it in its original box and send it back to me.

Ha, actually, I was wrong. I wrote that previous paragraph while sitting at school, but between then and me, now sitting at home in the evening after my Spencerian practice, I found that it's packed and ready to go. They already made the shipping label. I can't seem to redirect the package, or schedule and evening delivery, but I'll try again tomorrow onces it's picked up. It's likely Leica locked me out of redirecting the package (that garbage is super common), but hopefully I can pick a delivery window. If it's an evening delivery, I'll pay whatever it costs. Please just save me the time and fury of seeing another door tag when I get home.

Figure 3

An AI generated anime girl wearing a black winter parka. It's getting cold now!!

I've had to order more calligraphy supplies. I ordered new ink wells, and really should place an order for more iron gall ink. I know the Copperplate calligraphy book says not to use it, but it's so dry and doesn't feather that it seems pretty good for me. The Higgins ink I ordered on eBay still hasn't shipped, which is outrageous to me because I paid $14 for shipping. Also, I think I may switch to reading My Name is Asher Lev tonight. While the digital photography book is certainly important, finishing my evening with a textbook is a bit of a bore. Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I'll have to see how I'm feeling. My energy right at the end of the day can vary.

Following the most recent flare up in the middle east, the 2023 Israel-Hamas war, I felt compelled, for whatever reason, to reread The Chosen, by Chaim Potok. By sheer chance, I read this book when I was a junior in high school. Our class actually assigned groups for different books, and I picked and was placed in The Chosen group. What I did not know then but I do know now is, if my mother is to be believed, I'm actually named after one of the characters in the book. Chaim Potok was one my mother's favorite authors, and she claimed she read and loved every book by him except I Am The Clay which, if I recall he statements correctly, was a bit too philosophical and strange.

The book starts with a lengthy, perhaps too lengthy in my opinion, baseball game between Reuven's and Danny's teams (they are both the main characters). Danny is a Hasidic Jew, so too are his team members, whereas Reuven is practices Judaism in a more modern American way. During the game, Danny hits the ball and it strikes Reuven directly in the eye—Reuven is wearing glasses, too, so he gets shards of glass in his eye after the hit. He spends the next week in the hospital where they remove the glass shards and his eye heals. Danny visits him in the hospital, apologizes, and they become friends. After his release from the hospital, we learn that Danny's father never talks to him except about the Talmud. Reuven, of course, finds this strange, and says as much, but Danny defends his father, insisting he's a great man. Danny, for an extended period of time, has been going to the library after school and reading "forbidden" books (and by "forbidden" we really just mean anything that's not directly related to studying the Talmud).

Reuven eventually visits Danny's (and his father's) synagogue, where he sees first hand how Danny's father never talks to him, except to argue about details in the Talmud. During one such exchange, he learns that his father intentionally plants mistakes in his discussions, and excepts Danny to find and correct them. He also plants a mistake for Reuven to find, which he does.

Figure 1 Easily the best AI-generated waifu I've seen yet.

I was trying to generate AI waifus using Adobe Firefly for my imagined Chosen anime, and I wanted masked anime girls. So my prompt was "Jewish anime girl with white hair wearing a Venetian mask" and whoa, this girl is gorgeous. She's now officially entered my waifu folder on Morganna's House, and she'll be an official post avatar from hear on out. Mask anime girls are so sexy... is that why I liked Melia Antiqua in Xenoblade Chronicles 3 even more??

One of the first fairly stressful moments in the book occurs during Reuven's second visit to Danny's house. This time, it's not shabbat, so he's able to talk to Danny's father, Reb Saunders, directly. Or, well, more of have tag team match with he and Danny on one team, Reb on the other, and they discuss the Talmud. At least, that's what it appears until Danny leaves to get some tea for his father. Once Danny leaves, Reb immediately tells Reuven that he knows his mind is sharp, but what can be said about his soul? Reb tells Reuven he knows Danny is secretly reading forbidden books in the library after school, and demands to know what they are. Reuven, realizing that his father would find out sooner or later anyways, answers honestly. Reb doesn't have much to say, and he never addresses the matter with Danny (keep in mind, he never talks to his son, so too will he stay silent about this).

Eventually, both Danny and Reuven graduate high school and go to college. This sets up for a pretty exciting exchange where Reuven spends hours, days, explaining a single confusing passage in the Talmud. He concludes by saying explanations regarding the passage are "pilpul" (a Jewish term for "divine hairsplitting over pointless details in the Talmud"), and concludes that the only explanation that explains all the contradictions is that the Talmud, as written, is incorrect. Perhaps a scribe copied it down incorrectly. In fact, Reuven was able to reconstruct what it likely said originally from the simplest commentaries we have on the piece. His professor tells him he, and his father, are both very smart. But then tells him to never do such a method of analysis again.

Figure 2

When I was generated AI waifus with the prompt "mask" I kept getting COVID style face masks, which didn't quite fit the theme of what I was doing. This is one of the few that didn't feel directly covid related, although I can feel like it draws some part of its training set from medical face masks.

The climax of the book is the final chapter where Reb, after months of asking to see Reuven, finally speaks with him in his study. He informs him that he knew of Danny's plans, his reading, his studies, his refusal to become a rabbi like he, and his goals to become a psychologist. He then explains why he raised his son in silence. He said he knew Danny had a great mind, but what of his soul? He needed to teach Danny silence, to listen to silence, to make him suffer through his own inner turmoil because how could he become a Tzadikk if he couldn't bear the weight of his community's collective suffering? The goal of his decades of silence was to teach him compassion. Danny didn't need his father to teach him how to read or study, this was something he could easily do (and did) on his own. But he didn't want his son to be a great mind without a soul, so he, I would argue very imperfectly, taught him compassion by teaching him to "listen to silence" and endue his own suffering.

I think any reasonable person would say Reb's method was cruel, but it certainly felt dramatic. And for a book, that's all I need!

The Chosen was so good that I plan to, eventually, read My Name is Asher Lev. That's another ostensibly very good book by Chaim Potok. I already stole it and put the pirated copy on my kindle. Right now, thought, I'm going to read through a book on digital photography I bought recently. That's my new evening reading book. It's more of a textbook, but I think after that I'll move on to Asher Lev. Gosh, this made me think of the time about I year ago where I read The Memoirs of Marie LeFarge (both volumes). I wish Morganna's House existed a year ago, I would have enjoyed making entries about my opinions at the time I was reading through Marie's account of her marriage and poisoning. But alas, at least I won't lament in such a way for anything I read now, now that I can, in part, document it here.

Other Remarks

I ordered some new ink (Higgins Eternal) for my flex nib calligraphy pen. The Waterman is a bit too runny, exactly like the Copperplate book said (Fountain pen nibs are too watery and prone to feathering). Ironically, one of my least favorite inks, the iron gall ESS Registrar's ink that I tried performs exceptional well in my calligraphy pen. I know it's iron gall and waterproof, both things the book recommended I avoid. But it's so dry that it doesn't feather at all on the page. Also the subtle transition from blue to black as I write is pretty satisfying. I may order more, but I'll wait until the end of this week because I've already spent a lot over break and I figure I'll wait until my big bonus of backpay! Still, even practicing with the slightly too watery Waterman ink is fine, in the interim. I feel like I'm really improving. I think for practice I eventually need to just rewrite all of the sentences in the fifth Spencerian practice book. Actually, I think I'll set that book aside right now so I don't forget.

The Germination chamber was still leaking this morning, so I lowered the temperature (so the compressor would run more often to reduce the humidity), and placed a drip tray below the right corner of the front door to catch any water droplets. I also removed what I could of the silicon grease I put on the gasket. While it did increase the seal, it made it too difficult to open the door and it didn't even stop the leak regardless. The only solution I can see is cutting the humidity build up and accepting some may drip near the bottom gasket and catch it accordingly. Otherwise, I'll have to just disable the machine.

I updated and redid parts of the archive yesterday. After some experimenting, I think the best way to structure the file system of the archive is archive/year/month.html. Originally, I was planning to put everything for a single year on a single page, but the load times of the page were quite high because there are so many images that have to load in, and that my virtual instance is hosted in France, as opposed to nearby in Chicago.

I know I've mentioned it before, but I find it mildly therapeutic just sitting here and typing. There's something about typing on a loud mechanical keyboard like this for a while and watching the words fly up on the page. I find it therapeutic the same way I find calligraphy therapeutic. There's just something about putting words down on a page, by whatever means, that I enjoy. I remember years ago, before I even got good with calligraphy, just writing random sentences on range pieces of scrap paper with my fountain pens at the end of every day. At the time, I told myself this was because I wanted to ensure the fountain pens didn't dry out (which they will if you don't write with them). But I don't think this was entirely my motivation for doing so, and at the time I suspected as much. I just like writing. I just like typing. So, I figure calligraphy and making a website like this is, at the end of the day, a logical conclusion to the things I enjoy doing to unwind and feel better. I think many people would scoff at the idea of writing/typing as a therapeutic exercise, and perhaps for them they are correct. But for me, I look forward too it so much, I want to do it so much, that, second to buying new things, is one of the few things I look forward to in my life.

This week was far more enjoyable than last week's. We had several hard-hitting shows with very compelling episodes. And, since we were on Thanksgiving break, I was able to watch them the moment they dropped on SubsPlease and post about it online.

Figure 1 The Vexations of a Shut-In Vampire Princess, Episode 8

Komari after drinking Sakuna's blood—she transforms and her hair turns white.

The Vexations of a Shut-In Vampire Princess wrapped up the fight left at the end of last episode, and wrapped up Sakuna-being-blackmailed arc. We got a really cool henshin with Komari where, after drinking Sakuna's blood, her hair turned white and her eyes glowed red and she killed the Inverse Moon terrorist who was blackmailing Sakuna. I almost fell out of my chair when I say how pretty Komari was with white hair. It's a shame she won't keep it, but maybe the fact that it's only during transformation sequences makes it all the more special.

Figure 2 A Returner's Magic Should Be Special, Episode 8

Pram (and Romantica) during their fight in the bell tower. Desire is fighting on the floor above.

A Returner's Magic Should Be Special was basically a long 22 minute fight scene, but it was a good one at that. I really like seeing Desir, Pram, and Romantica interact and fight together. The Alpha vs. Beta class theme, while a bit common, still plays really well here. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how this fight will play out next week. I also find it mildly upsetting that so few people are watching the show, because I know we won't get a second season... even though the first season is really good.

Figure 3 I'm in Love with the Villainess, S-Rank Musume, Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, and The Demon Sword Master of Excalibur Academy

We started with Watashi mondays, which got a bit dark. Claire's maid Lene threated to kill her so she could have a relationship with her brother? I don't get it, but it was pretty dramatic. S-Rank Musume had a weird arc where the dad adopted a new child who looks just like Ange. Frieren's very boring journey was okay, but it had great reaction faces! And Riselia was gorgeous, like always.

We start the week with Watashi Mondays which are supposed to be fun. But this week's episode where Lene threatened to kill Claire so she could run off and marry her brother felt a bit weird. I've been told next week's episode will be better, so we'll see. S-Rank Musume is still trucking along. It's the only show I have to watch on Thursday, so that may very well be it's only saving grace. Frieren's very boring show had another slow episode about Stark's birthday coupled with brief flashbacks of Himmel failing to draw the Hero's sword from the stone. And, like always, Riselia's very interesting show wrapped up the kidnapped empress arc. We learned that Regina is the sister of the empress. And we got to see Riselia simply being pretty on screen, so what more could I ask for?

16bit Senstation easily had the strangest episode of the week. I don't even know how to describe it. So I won't. It was weird. The show is not very good. It would be better if they just focused on making retro games instead of all the time-travel stuff (oh, and aliens. Did I mention there's aliens in the show now, too?). Stardust Telepath remains a bit dull, but still nevertheless compelling enough to continue watching. I really like Raimon's and Umika's interactions. As for Protocol: Rain, still no idea why I'm sticking with that. Maybe it's just how cute Yu is. But it airs so late on Saturday I watch it at 2x the speed (I'm actually playing today's episode at 2x speed right now on my second monitor as I type this). Well, after finishing the episode I'd say it was a bit more enjoyable than I expected. Soaring Sky! Pretty Cure's fall episode was fun.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I dropped SHY and 100 Girlfriends. SHY was too boring to continue (and I hate super hero stuff anyways). 100 Girlfriends just felt... off. The girls were cute but it just felt really wrong the way the main character was just concurrently dating all of them.

Other Remarks

I was reading The Chosen late last night and got to a very exciting part that I just couldn't put down. It was a scene where Reuven spent several hours, over the course of days, explaining a controversial and contradictory portion of The Talmud. When his professor asked if he felt satisfied with previous analysis of it, he said no, they were pilpul ("unnecessary hairsplitting"). After class, the professor asked for his opinion, and Reuven explained that the only solution he could draw was based on the simplest analysis of that section—that Talmud was wrong, changed, altered, and the people analyzing it were analyzing different passages than they were. The professor said he was very smart, but told him to not reconstruct what previous rabbis may (or may not) have read.

My attempt to seal the germination chamber failed. There were still minor leaks this morning. And now I possibly damaged the gasket by putting so much silicon grease on it the seal is so tight it's hard to open. I attempt to seal the leaking part specifically, but I have very low expectations that it will work. I may, perhaps, simply need to accept that it will always leak and put a tray to catch the drips. Alternatively, I could lower the temperature to cut the humidity, but then I'd have to listen to the compressor kick on and off all day forever, which is equally off putting. I ordered a soldering iron to attempt a battery replacement on my old Walkman. Actually, I walked with it earlier this morning and the battery seems fine? Perhaps I can pull another year (or two) of life out of it, then attempt a replacement, fail, and then buy another one. I'm sure I could get another one, either from Sony or perhaps try a different brand (one with an easier to replace battery) and ride it out for another 5-6 years. I'm getting a bonus on the next paycheck, I think. But that money will go to some camera equipment. Leica is taking so long it's causing me to lose some excitement, but I'm sure that excitement will immediately rebound once the camera is on its way back to me.

The calligraphy pen I got yesterday, The Bloom, is extremely good. It's far better than the garbage Speedball nib holder I was using. I also tried several nibs, and really like the Zebra ones. I already ordered more. My main problem now is ink, so I ordered a dipping inkwell from Tom's Studio again. But because it's from Tom's Studio, it will likely take a month to get to me—I'll count myself fortunate if it's here by Christmas.

On my morning walks I, like I often do, reimagine a variant of whatever I'm reading/playing into some sort of alternate format. In this case, I'm actively reimagining The Chosen as an anime where the main character is a Christian girl who wants to be a photographer, but her mother never talks to her. In fact, she hides her face with a Melia-from-Xenoblade-Chronicles-3 type mask. She goes to the library to read, and to upload some of the photos shes taken. But, because her mother never talks to her, she can fairly easily hide her camera because she never goes in her room. Then, like in The Chosen, there's a scene where the mother, instead of talking to her daughter, talks through one of her friends.

I've been practicing with the Oblique flex nibs for about a week, now. I started out with the Speedball plastic holder and nibs, and it's OK. But I felt like the Speedball was too cheap for my taste, and the nibs rust so easily... if there's like a single drop of water left on the nib it rusts the next day. I also feel like the plastic made-in-china Speedball holder feels a bit too cheap for me (see the archive for why I like buying expensive things, and the plastic Speedball holder ain't it).

I still haven't experimented with all the nibs I have, but a preliminary test over the past week suggest my favorites are the Speedball 101 and the Zebra manga ones. The Zebra ones look good, and I sort of like how firm I have to press down on the page to flex them. The Speedball 101 seems a bit scratchy, but the results do look pretty good, at least for my untrained hand. I still need to find a good dipping inkwell, and I bought a water bowl yesterday. I don't know if I bought a good one—It looks like a fish, and I think it's for brush calligraphy, but it was more expensive than the plastic cup I'm using so I'll give it a shot. I also don't know a solution to the inkwell problem. A bowl isn't good because I'll have to dump out way too much ink to use it. I think I'll just decant the Waterman ink into different bottles to keep it topped off. I'll see if I can post pictures later of my entire setup, once it's complete.

Figure 1 The first oblique flex nib practice pages.

I started out using the Speedball nibs and nib holder, which worked OK, but they were a bit scratchy and the plastic nib holder felt a bit too cheap for my tastes. It also didn't hold all the nib types.

I may briefly skim the Copperplate book, but not fully practice it. Copperplate calligraphy, I have learned, is different and form and shape than Spencerian, so I don't want to learn a different style if it means making my Spencerian weaker. Still, I feel like the book as lots of good information in it, so I'll briefly read it over when I have time. Perhaps some of the techniques and methods could still be useful, even if I don't precisely copy the lettering forms.

The new pen I ordered, "The Bloom" from Tom's Studio, is in the image above. I only got it today, but I already like it more than the Speedball holder because it can hold any nib, and the angle of the nib can be adjusted. It has a gimmick where you can remove the brass tale and place stab nibs inside the pen body, but I found the brass tail already coming loose while I was writing, so I applied blue Loctite (maybe a bit too much, to be honest) and secured the brass tail. I'll write a bit more with it tomorrow, but I think it should work.

Other Remarks

I swept and vacuumed most of the floors in my house today while AFKing in Runescape, so I felt pretty productive. I also bought silicon grease to better seal my Germination chamber. Right now, small amounts of condensation leak from the bottom of the door, and I read online I could potentially better seal the gasket with either silicon grease or Vaseline, and I choose the silicon grease pursuant to a single post on reddit that said it was better because it wouldn't dry out the gasket over time. I have no idea if that's even true, but I already ordered it and it should arrive late this evening thanks to Amazon same-day delivery.

I attempted to replace the battery in my old Blackberry KeyOne. The replacement was successful, but the side buttons (volume and power) no longer work, so the phone is bricked. I also have another extremely risky battery replacement on the horizon: my old Sony Walkman. That battery is soldered in, and while I have the manual and the replacement battery, I've never soldered anything in my life. Furthermore, the device I'm attempting to fix is $1300, so if I fail, that's it. I may just have to accept the high-risk low-reward proposition given that 3 other repair places turned down the job (even though I'm confident they could have done it). Honestly, if push comes to shove I could always just buy another (newer) one and accept that it's disposable. At this point, the device is 6 years old. And the sheer number of walks I've been on with it is surely sufficient for me.

I spent Thanksgiving (today) by myself. This was completely a personal choice, though. I was invited by multiple people to attend their dinners, but I declined all invitations. That's not my idea of fun, and I don't want to feel like I'm intruding on someone else's family gathering (all I'd do is just sit there and pretend to type on my phone). So instead, I stayed at home and tried to make something myself.

Figure 1 The Cornish Game Hen for Thanksgiving.

They came out fine, but I think I should have added more onions to the vegetable mix. Also, the hens are pretty small so they're kind of tricky to eat, sometimes.

I found several recipes for Cornish Game Hen online, and rejected several because they contained wine (I won't eat or drink anything with alcohol in it—'m morally opposed to it). I made a colossal mistake by freezing the Hens after I bought them, them forgetting to thaw them, so I had to defrost them in the microwave while the oven was already preheated. I also didn't have a brush to brush the oil and herbs on, so I basically had to do it with my hands. The good news is, even after that borked start, everything came out great. However, because I'm by myself I clearly made too much, so I have one extra hen with a lot of the vegetables left over. I'd say I'd microwave them later, but microwaving an entire hen seems a bit gross. The vegetables I'm sure would survive in the microwave, but I'm not sure about the hen. We'll give it a shot tomorrow or the day after when I'm hungry. I also drank one of the last Canada Dry's I had left (Blackberry). I think they're good, but they're so expensive I'm not too interested in buying more.

Figure 2 I got 120 Ranged today!

Me getting 120 ranged MINUTES ago while I was sitting at my computer. My strategy for 120 was simple and classic: Abyssal Demons. Is if the fastest? Probably not. But is it incredibly easy to AFK all day while I'm at work? Absolutely yes.

While I was making the hens, I was also AFKing in Runescape to get 120 Ranged (which I did!). I'm working on getting the 120 Completionist cape, with long-term goals for the Quest and Trimmed versions of the cape (but that's probably going to take a year or more). I'm sort of started the Trimmed version of the cape in kind by trying to do Fish Flingers everyday for the tackle box (I've heard that one is pretty time consuming). But for now, we're just AFKing what abilities we can turning the day and while I'm at work teaching.

Other Remarks

This morning, I woke up and rode my All City fixed gear bike around the neighborhood while wearing my Fjallraven Stubben. It was quite fun, but I had to cut the ride early because my hands got so cold my thumbs begin to physically hurt. I also feel like the bike seat on that bike isn't too comfortable. The backpack thought is great! I really like the "boxy" aesthetic of it. Always have. I also found out that I can almost complete fit the Gitzo travel tripod in the side pouch. I don't know how secure the fit is, though, I'll have to do some experimenting. I think it's certainly secure enough if I'm just walking around, but if I'm on my bike learning forward I'm not too sure. Although, to be far, how often will I really ride my bike? Was today just a one off thing? It was certainly fun, though. I don't wear a helmet when I ride. It's ugly and messes up my hair.

I official started reading through Mastering Copperplate Calligraphy by Eleanor Winters yesterday. I already got some good tips on how often to clean the nib (every 15 minutes with water, which was something I wasn't doing before). I need to get a fancy well to fill with water and clean periodically clean the nib like that, but I'll hold off until my next paycheck, I think. I've bought a lot recently and should cool it a bit. Also, I think my next paycheck will contain all the backpay the district owes me, so I may on a shopping sprees afterwards anyways. But who knows, I may see some stellar black Friday deals tomorrow in which case I'll pounce. I need to get a camera case to put my Leica M11 in when I put it in my Stubben. I also ordered a slimline case for my ThinkPad for that reason. While the backpack is cool, it does have a welded steel frame, so anything that goes in there isn't really padded in any useful way.

Introduction

For as long as I can remember, and I truly mean as long as I can remember, I've avoided telling people about my hobbies and interests. When I was in high school, I avoided talking about the games I played (because I'd be made fun of). When I was in college, I avoided talking about the anime I watched/liked (because I'd be made fun of). And to this day, I don't really talk about myself or my interests to other people at work or school, because I know they'd make fun of me for it (especially the anime; anime is still scene as fairly weird and counter-culture). One would think, then, very reasonably, that I don't talk about myself solely because I don't want to be made fun of, and I think this is partially true. But I also, for as long as I can remember, have been a fairly private individual who doesn't want to disclose details of my private life to really anyone, even people I trust, even people in my family.

Imagine, for a moment, someone walking up and asking you probing personal questions. What your hobbies are. What your interests are. What you did this weekend. All the while, you're thinking "I don't know this person—I don't want to talk to them". That, to me, is largely how social interactions in my life go. I avoid luncheons at work because I don't want people walking up and asking me about my hobbies and interests because I know they'll make fun of me for it. If I tell people I like Xenoblade Chronicles, Nier, anime, and play RuneScape, all of these are viewed negatively by normal people, and I'd be immediately made fun of for it (speaking strongly from experience).

This, then, means that not talking about my hobbies or interests may perhaps be a sophisticated defense mechanism I've formed over decades of my life. But I don't think this is entirely true, either. This may be part of the reason, but I also have always had an inherent distrust of really anyone I meet. If someone on the street offers to help me, I can't help but wonder why this person is trying to deceive me with their kindness. I think not telling people about myself may also stem from a general distrust of people generally, not necessarily my own insecurity solely.

Figure 1

An AI generated anime girl alone in a crowd, but still nevertheless smiling.

And this, then, is largely how I live my life. Completely privately. If people ask me about my hobbies, I immediately dodge the question and tell them what either they want to hear, or what I think will may be look cool, or, ideally, some narrative that allows me to achieve both at the same time. In fact, one of the fews I have about visiting places I haven't been, or going to restaurants I don't normally go to, is people walking up and asking me about myself. To me, one of the most off-putting questions I get, that I'll ever get, is "Tell me about yourself."

It's off-putting because I don't want to tell anyone about myself at all, and it's necessarily presumptuous, in a fairly rude way to me, for people to assume I do. I'd say this feeling is insecurity, but I don't think this is entirely true. If I knew I was talking to someone who was as interested in anime as I was (and was a fat weirdo loser in the process), I'd feel totally comfortable opening up to them. But I know I'm unlikely to ever run into that, so that significant part of my personality becomes part of me I'll never show—one of the many things they'll never know.

Figure 2

An AI generated anime girl eating alone in a restaurant. Unfortunately, I'm far too shy, and perhaps even too cheap, to do this. But it always seems like fun in my imagination!

Still, I think there's more to this than I'm letting on. Even I met someone who perfectly matched my hobbies and interests, I actually don't know how interested I'd be in talking to them. There's the old "I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member", and while cliche I find that adage largely rings true for me. Anyone who'd actually take a genuine interest in anything I'm saying or doing must surely be demented. Additionally, I feel like all the previous things I've written are undercutting just my general shyness. I'm afraid of talking to people I don't know on Mumble, or really an social media, using my real voice because I'm very shy.

I find it much easier to do on 4Chan (and, rarely, Reddit) because I can hide behind a thin veil of anonymity. For as long as I can remember, the veil of anonymity the internet can provide, the masquerade I can undertake behind the hypertext markup language, has been immensely valuable. It feels, to me, to be the only way I can really open up. I think this, then, is largely the point of Morganna's House. I can open up and discuss my hobbies and interests, without being ashamed of people knowing who I am in the process.

This was an interesting reflection indeed. I don't like talking about myself to other people because (a) I don't want to be made fun of for my hobbies and interests, and (b) I greatly value privacy and anonymity—I will open up to people, so long as they don't know who I am... so long as I'm wearing a mask. I don't know how clearly I articulated my ideas here. To be honest, this piece, just like the last reflective writing, sounded a bit better when I was writing it in my head. Still, it was interesting and relaxing to sit down and type this out. I actually typed this while sitting in class the day before Thanksgiving break began. I don't have much else to do with my time, so I sort of want to pretend I feel like I'm working right now! I turn off split view and only do the code view in class, that way students can't see the AI generated anime girls on the Morganna's House. Morganna's House, like the VN, remains in fata morgana.

Other Remarks

The calligraphy pens I ordered arrived in The United States. Tracking information says they're at customs in Chicago. I'm a bit annoyed because I paid $35 for expedited shipping, and this shipping has been worse than DHL with less reliable tracking information. It's going to take over two weeks to arrive (DHL gets it her in 2 days). I must say I hate the Royal mail and need to avoid it in the future. I've only had negative experiences with how slow it is. Hopefully they can arrive soon so I can use then a bit over Thanksgiving break. Even if they don't, I still should have time to start reading The Copperplate Calligraphy book and I can use the Speedball in the interim. I actually think the Speedball nib isn't that bad, although at the moment I still find it a bit scratchy. Perhaps my grip will correct overtime and I will become a bit smoother. I also got better at putting more ink on the nib so it wouldn't run out as quickly (literally dip the entire nib into the ink well).

Figure 3

An AI generated anime practicing calligraphy at her desk. It's so relaxing!

I've targeted some nearby small towns I want to visit and take photos of when my Leica M11 arrives back from Germany (hopefully it works when I get it back, I never bothered to check if it works when I took it out of the box to ship it over to Leica the day I got it). Noblesville and Knightstown both seem like good targets. They're both about the same distance away and have that small town vibe. If I'm really brave, and I mean really really brave, I could hit Carmel's Christmas market, but that is perhaps too brave for me so I may hide and avoid it. I've mentioned previously how it may be a bad idea to type these goals out, because from what I've heard typing my goals widens the behavior-intention gap, and may make it less likely for me to complete my goals. But I don't know if this true. I think writing specific goals for specific places I plan to go is important. It lets me be concrete about what I do, even if perhaps I don't know when exactly I want to do it.

I had this interesting idea, too. When I visit some of these small towns, I'll write a postcard and mail it to myself. I actually bought some smaller 0.35mm gel pens to try and write in Spencerian when I'm there. Then, I'll mail the cards back to myself. Sort of a memento I can have to say that I visited the town at that specific time. I'd mail the cards to friends, but I don't actually have any friends, so mailing them to myself is probably my best bet. I still need to buy post card stamps if I plan to do this, and I need to figure out of the thin pencil lines I put on the cards can be easily erased without erasing the gel pen ink. To be honest, I have low hopes.

Many years ago, I'm not certain how long, when I was first getting interested into yuri anime, I remember looking up a list of yuri anime and Strawberry Panic! showed up on that list. If my memory is correct, it was when I was a sophomore in college, but I can't be 100% certain. Anyways, I remember torrenting and watching Strawberry Panic and, at the time, found it to be a bit lacking. But, for some reason, despite is weak plot, it stuck with me. After watching it, I spent years of my life turning it over in my head. In fact, when I first read Swann's Way, I imagined it through the lens of a Strawberry Panic! visual novel style series, with Shizuma Hanazono (one of the main characters) as the protagonist. I've also bought virtually all the Strawberry Panic! merchandise I can't (although there's not a lot of it), and read the light novels (although I don't remember much about it either—perhaps because it, like the anime, is fairly weak).

Wall scrolls, books, DVDs, and key animations, I bought them all if they were from Strawberry Panic! My obsession, at the time, was one of the main characters: Shizuma Hanazono. Shizuma was a tall bishoujo with white hair (I've always liked girls with white hair). I remember after buying the key animations off eBay I went to get them framed (and I was shocked at how expensive framing was, $150/frame!). Still, I think they were worth it. I've had them on my walls ever since, and they look really classy.

Figure 1 Shizuma Hanazono from Strawberry Panic!

A framed key animation of Shizuma Hanazono from Strawberry Panic. I was obsessed with Shizuma for years of my life. Maybe I just like girls with white hair. FujiFilm X100F ISO 200 f/4.0 2.6s.

I wish I could pinpoint why Strawberry Panic! occupied so much of my thoughts. Throughout most of college, while walking to class and listening to music, I'd imagine how various scenes should have happened, or how I'd write it if I was a famous writer/director of a large animation studio. But the show itself is mediocre by all accounts. Perhaps, then, that's why I liked it so much. If a show is good, I never think about it again. I leave saying "Whoa, that was amazing, bravo" then move on to next season. But if a show is bad, and bad in a very specific way that captures my interest, I'll think about it for years. I'll imagine how much better it would have been if X happened instead of Y.

Figure 2 Shizuma Hanazono from Strawberry Panic!

Shizuma Hanazono from Strawberry Panic. FujiFilm X100F ISO 200 f/4.0 1.7s.

I suppose I also need to give Strawberry Panic! some thoughtful recognization. I think it was the first proper yuri show I watched, and now yuri is one of my favorite anime genres (the other genre is battle harem school settings). I also just really liked Shizuma's regal character design. The long white hair and noble nature... it may be the same reason I really liked Melia from Xenoblade Chronicles. Walking to class, imagining the anime trailers with Starsailor playing, cherished times indeed.

Figure 3 Lawrence and Holo from Spice and Wolf

Spice and Wolf is one of the few light novels I've ever actually read. I read them in college, and I really enjoyed them at the time. Or I did, at least until Col showed up and ruined the Lawrence and Holo dynamics. FujiFilm X100F ISO 200 f/4.0 0.4s.

I also have several framed key animations from other shows. I have one really cool one from Spice and Wolf, which is a bit ironic because I never actually watched the anime. Instead, I read the LNs, or at least I read the first 7. They started to get boring during the Town of Strife, and the new character that was introduced, Col, ruined the Lawrence and Holo dynamics which, to me, was the most appealing part of the entire series. I remember being so enamored with the first few novels I'd sit at my desk reading them, completely ignoring my computer in front of me. I remember spending a lot of time reading them after eating breakfast at the dining halls, too. What I didn't know then but I do know now was that I'm lactose intolerant.

Other Remarks

My legs are sore from walking. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't walked as far as I have been, or because it's getting cold, or because I'm trying to break in a new pair of boots (normally I'd wear my old Converse). I'm actually carrying out an experiment on those Converse. My goal is to keep them going as long as possible, and in doing so I've replaced the heels on them well over 5 times and I've also replaced the soles on them! And, miraculously, they're still going! It's not that I don't have the money to buy new ones (in fact, I already have a back up pair in a box upstairs), but I just wanted to see how far I could string along this one pair of shoes, and maybe get some shoe repair skills in the process. The answer is, surprisingly, I can string these along for a while. Years, actually, beyond when I originally though they were finished.

I'm current rereading The Chosen by Chaim Potok. I originally read The Chosen many years ago when I was a junior in high school, and I recall enjoying it a lot. My mother also claimed Chaim Potok was one of her favorite authors, so I was interested in rereading it for a while. The recent Israel-Hamas conflict prompted my interest in it again (it covers a lot about Jewish culture and tradition), so I started reading it again. I think after I make my way through it I'll move on to the digital photography book that I recently bought for my night time reading. My current schedule has the night time reading built into it. I go to bed at 8:30 PM, but I actually read from at (or around) 8:40 PM to 9:15 PM (or a bit earlier, if there's a good stopping point in the book). I go to bed so early because I wake up at 5:00 AM every morning (even on weekends). I've been doing this for a while, and I find it to be a pretty stable schedule. I think I just like the alone time I get in the morning. I also feel like I'm more productive in the morning, and my productivity wanes as the day progresses. This year especially, I feel like I'm far less productive when I'm at school. I often find myself just sitting at my desk and zoning out. I think the lack of a prep period every day really compounds this. If I don't get a break every day (I don't), I feel like I have to make one where I just sit and stare during class sometimes.

The Demon Sword Master of Excalibur Academy is still far more enjoyable than it has any right to be. It's a great Monday show. This week's episode where the empress got kidnapped by animals was an interesting twist, but all all I can do when I watch the show is admiring at how cute Riselia is. Her long white hair and stockings are so precious! Actually, I just preorderd a Riselia figure. I'm shocked she has one (the show isn't popular), but I ordered it anyways! S-Rank Musume had a pretty funny episode involving elves and trying to find a wife for the dad. Soaring Sky! Pretty Cure had an episode where Elle married Cure Wing (as a joke). It was also pretty entertaining.

Figure 1 Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, Episode 10

Frieren, Fern, and Stark on their way north. We learned that Frieren will need to get certified as a Class A mage before entering the harsh northern plateau.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End had a slow episode where they camped in a shed with another elf monk for 6 months over the winter. It was revealed that to continue their journey Frieren will need to get certified as a Class A mage. I'd say this pace will likely continue for the remainder of the season, but it's still enough to keep it interesting. The idea of merely wondering the world and experiencing it over centuries is very appealing to me, perhaps unnaturally so. I'm in a kick, well, I've been in this kick before, where I imagine myself traveling the world. A bit ironic, because I could easily just do it—I don't have to imagine it. Nevertheless, watching it happen in an anime is often sufficient to satiate my desires to travel. I think the premise of Frieren not wanting to get certified by a mage agency because she has in the past is interesting (even though she's so old, the agency no longer exists).

Figure 2 I'm in Love with the Villainess, Episode 7

Rae Taylor, dressed as a butler for the school's cross-dressing cafe, asking to take Claire on a "date" around the school festival.

I'm in Love with the Villainess easily had one the gayest episodes in a while (good). After they completed the cross-dressing cafe, Rae Taylor took Claire on a date around the festival. We learned a bit more about Claire's past, but the final scene where Rae and Claire spoke at sunset were interesting. Claire asked Rae while she so insisted on liking her, and Rae told Claire that she was a significant source of happiness. We then got a flashback to real life where Rae was miserable, and the game she played (with Claire) was the only highlight of her day. I think anyone who plays games or watches anime can relate to that feeling.

Figure 3 Stardust Telepath

Umika at the rocket launching festival looking at an older girl from a different school.

I haven't had much to say about Stardust Telepath so far this season. The premise is that Umika wants to build a rocket to go to space, and meets a gay alien who wants to go to space as well. The story, overall, is pretty weak, but the character designs are pretty cute. I feel like this show is, and will remain, a second monitor show for a while. In fact, I usually watch the episodes, when I can, on my prep at work because they're so slow (also because they air in the morning).

Figure 4 The Vexations of a Shut-In Vampire Princess, Protocol: Rain, Tearmoon Empire, and A Returner's Magic Should Be Special

Saturday has quite a few shows—actually it has the most, with Monday being second. Returner's Magic is probably the best in terms of story. Shut-In Vampire is a mixed bag, but enough to keep be interested. Tearmoon Empire is also interesting. Protocol: Rain... I'm not sure why I'm still sticking with it.

The Saturday anime marathon is honestly a great way to unwind for the week. Initially, I found the flurry of shows to be a chore. But now, I've come to enjoy them. I especially like how they're spaced out during the day, so I can do things in Runescape, practice Spencerian, and complete various chores around the house in the interim. Shut-In Vampire Princess picked up the pace a little bit. I like the mild comedy it has, and I feel like some of the edge has dulled making it a more enjoyable watching experience. Tearmoon Empire is quite funny. Mia's reaction faces are easily the best I've seen in ages, and the premise of rewriting the future to avoid the guillotine is hilarious. This week's episode about the Still Forest wasn't much to write home about, but it was a strong set up for next week. Returner's Magic is, somehow, the strongest show this season in terms of narrative strength and story. I'm actually looking forward every week to seeing how the story unfolds. It's a bit sad no one is actually watching it. Also Pram is incredibly cute, too. Protocol: Rain had a love triangle that started this week between Yu and Nozomi. Well, it always existed, but now Nozomi finally realized she's competing against Yu. The angle of the imouto not wanting rehabilitation to walk again is interesting. She doesn't feel like she's disabled. She's happy with her life as-is.

Other Remarks

The calligraphy nib holders I ordered finally shipped. I also bought a cheaper one that already arrived from Amazon (Speedball) and just started out. I must say it was quite a challenge! I'm going to need to practice a lot to get used to it. I'm simply too used to holding a pencil when I write Spencerian, so the oblique nibs are quite the challenge. I also tried to remove excess ink from the nib once I was done, but when I let it soak in water it already started to rust! I've never had a pen nib rust before, so I certainly have a lot to learn about these new nibs and nib holders. I want to be a bit more meticulous with my recording keeping when I learn Copperplate, so I will try to date everything I do (try!).

I spent almost $300 on a brand new backpack from Fjallraven. It shipped and should arrive some time next week. I'll post some pictures when it arrives, but I intent it to be my main outdoor backpack. I have a simply everyday backpack (the Kanken), and a tactical shooting backpack from 5.11 (which I sometimes use), but I think this outdoor backpack will be a good travel intermediary. You can also sit on it! When it comes in, I'll be sure to post some pictures. I think I still need a dedicated camera bag for the Leica M11. There's already a really cool leather one that I have in mind. When I get a holiday bonus from work, I'll make sure to get the dedicated camera bag (and maybe a backup battery). I also have a new dream lens: The Noctilux 50mm. It seems a bit more useful than the 75mm. I have enough stocks I could liquidate to buy it, but I couldn't spend such an amount on it before I even try my other 35mm lens sitting on the desk in the other room.

On my morning walk today I imagined myself having a "vagrant" holiday in Japan where I took my soon-to-arrive Fjallraven Stubben and somehow fished for my food! I don't even know how to fish! I bit ironic, I think, because I could easily buy the equipment and learn how to do it, but I should narrow my focus for the time being. Wait on the camera and focus on calligraphy and photograph (and post the results on Morganna's House!).

I heard of an interesting concept earlier this week: the intention-behavior gap. I've been the victim of this for years, but never quite had such a succinct name for it. The idea, as the name more or less completely implies, is the difference between what a person intends to do and what they actually do. In my case, there have many cases where I intended or imagined something amazing, only to not do it. Although I don't think this is as bad as it could be, at least for me. For as long as I can remember, even when I was a child taking the bus home, I would spend hours and hours imaging things in my head. So to call it an intention-behavior gap may be a bit too uncharitable. I've always imagined myself doing great things. It just want I do for fun whenever my mind wonders. It's how I relax. Anyways, based on that goal I heard you weren't supposed to write your goals down or announce them, because it partially rewards you for something you've done. I think this part is true. Simply saying "I'll do something" late at night while falling asleep feels pretty satisfying, but this sanctification can be enough to satiate actually doing them. I think in my case I need to be far more concrete with goals. I really need to go to nearby small towns when I get my M11, and I really need to take picture, and I really need to post the results on Morganna's House. I can't say I'll do it later. I just have to do it.

While I have a lot of expensive positions, I also have a lot of unique ones. One of the more unique ones, perhaps one of few electronics that has appreciated in value, is my rare Nintendo 3DS XL, running Luna3DS, with a built-in capture card. This setup is actually extremely rare, and took me years of work and research to actually get running. But the payoff was massive. I have a very rare, perhaps one-of-a-kind 3DS, that can run any game on the 3DS (or DS or Gameboy) for free, and stream all the content (including sound) to my computer. In fact, the 3DS is so are and valuable, I'd actually be terrified to travel with it. If I travel with an expensive camera, I can always buy a new one. But there's just noway I'd ever get a new 3DS like this. For starters, they stopped making the 3DS, and also the company that makes the capture cards is gone, and homebrewing 3DS software is awful and time consuming and risky (you can brick your 3DS).

I've bought and owned several 3DS in my day. In fact, one of my larger regrets was factory reseting a 3DS to give to my brother and, in turn, losing 600 hours of Monster Hunter progress as a result (yikes!). But I hope, at least, he had some fun with the 3DS I gave him when he was in basic training.

Figure 1 My Nintendo 3DS

My 3DS is very rare. It has a built-in capture card. It runs Luma3DS, a difficult to install homebrew system that allows me to freely install 3DS games. I spent hours and hours homebrewing my 3DS just so I could get all these free 3DS games.

I spent a massive amount of time playing 3DS games. Easily thousands of hours. My most played were in the Monster Hunter series, Fire Emblem Awakening, Shin Megami Tensei series, and Final Fantasy Theatrhythm: Curtain Call. Also, the fact that I could steal and play Xenoblade Chronicles 1 for free on the 3DS was the only reason I got into the series, and I'm glad I did! That game was so expansive and imaginative it still occupies my thoughts to this day. In fact, to a large extent I'll have to thank the 3DS for introducing me to Xenoblade Chronicles. That is easily one of the greatest games I've ever played, and were it not for the 3DS I'd have never even considered it (like I don't even consider so many other games).

Figure 2 The 3DS capture card software

I spent 100's of hours playing Fire Emblem Awakening. I reset my 3DS literally 100's, it not 1000's of times to beat the game on Lunatic+ TWICE. Why did I ever find this fun? I will never know. But I remember spending hours playing this game while safeguarding my laundry in the public washing machines in college.

There was a time in college where I'd just sit at my desk playing 3DS game for hours. I knew, and had access to, games with significantly better graphics. But they didn't feel fun, for whatever reason, whereas the 3DS did. I think there was a form of romanticism with playing these low budget games on a low budget console. At the time, I liked Monster Hunter so much to play Monster Hunter X I bought a Japanese 3DS and a Japanese version of the game (likely a waste of money because, If I had any brain, I could have hombrewed it and played it on my American 3DS and not lose a single save).

I remember the amount of fun I had 100% beating Samurai Warrior Chronicles 3, all the weapons and side missions, one summer. I worked with a few people on GameFAQs using Google translate to translate Japanese fan pages for the game so we could understand how to unlock certain missions and complete certain side quests. I think at that time I was the highest rated (in Challenge mode) players in the world in that game. In fact, to this day I don't think any American has beat me! This may be the only game I could speed run. I should jokingly film a speed run of it and upload it to YouTube one day, just so I can say I old the world record it in.

Additional Comments

I've bought for calligraphy equipment to, eventually, start my foray into Copperplate calligraphy. Let me be clear, I am serious about learning this and I will get through this book. Practicing may be a bit more in depth on my part because I've having to learn a new oblique technique, and because the book I'm using doesn't contain it's own practice sheets (I'll have to make them myself), but I believe it's possible for be to be successful. I will also be a bit more meticulous with tracking my progress. I regret not dating my Spencerian books with start/stop dates. The progress with Copperplate will likely be significantly slower than my progress with Spencerian because I will continue my practice of Spencerian in the interim. I believe Spencerian will become my defacto "practical" form of cursive (i.e., I can actually use it to take notes and write a letter), while Copperplate will just be a decorative way to relax. Actually, the idiots who I ordered the calligraphy pens from STILL haven't shipped them, even though I paid $35 (!!!) for expedited shipping. If they don't ship soon, I'm sending off an angry email and demanding a partial refund for the shipping cost.

So too I have similar plans for photography. I ordered a book on digital photography. I don't know how or when I'll have time to read it. I'm currently rereading The Chosen by Chaim Potok, so perhaps after I finish rereading that book I'll take the time to read the photography book. I have, for the longest time, always preferred to read one thing at a time. In college I suppose I read multiple textbooks concurrently, but now I prefer to read one book at a time, completely finishing one them directly the entirety of my attention to the other. So yes, I think I'll try to finish The Chosen then move on to the digital photography textbook. I'm still a bit worried about how purple my Blackberry leather M11 wrap will be. I can't really tell from images online, and the strap I ordered sort of appears brown in some lighting, not purple. Oh well, it's too late. We'll have to wait and see in about 3 weeks when it comes back from Germany.

Introduction

For the past 10 or 15 years it's become progressively clearer to me that I prefer to be alone. I clarify that 10-15 year window because, in the first part of my life, I desperately wanted friends. I felt woefully out-of-place in school because I was acutely aware of how I really did have no friends. I intentionally hid during lunch (sitting outside the cafeteria) because I had no friends to sit with. As a direct consequence, I would eat a small lunch out of a vending machine because I felt too embarrassed to actually walk into the cafeteria and see people (and, in turn, they would see me). Because the vending machine only took dollar bills, I had to beg my mother for $2 every day. Out of her abundance of kindness, she supplied $2 everyday without question.

I would get to dropped off at school early. Why I got there so early, I'm not really sure. But almost everyday it was an hour early, and I'd just sit there quietly by myself listening to my iPod. I fondly remember how much music I'd listen to during that time. I'd listen to entire albums in the morning. I didn't have a phone for the longest time because I had no one to talk to. In fact, even after getting a phone I rarely spoke or texted anyone. Incidentally, what friends I did have were online friends. I was actually a bit famous in the one game I played, but I'm not interested in discussing that at the moment.

I think this lack of friends was primarily caused by social anxiety. I would make a simple mistake (e.g., not saying something loudly enough), and then I'd feel bad for weeks afterwards. And pretty much every social interaction led to feeling bad about how it went, so the only solution I could see at the time was to avoid all social interactions. But this avoidance strategy clearly contradicted the first goal of wanting friends, so I was stuck in this repeating loop. I couldn't get friends because I felt bad. And I felt bad because I couldn't get friends.

Figure 1

An AI generated anime girl that looks depressed and alone.

During college it was a similar story. I went to college for 4 years to get a degree in Physics, and I didn't make a single friend during the entire time I was there. In fact, I believe I at virtually every meal alone (although I think a few people, perhaps feeling bad for me, ate with me sometimes). I recall, vividly, walking to class with my iPod playing music. I'd imagine movies, stories, videos, all to the tune of the songs that played. I was certain I'd be a great world famous director if only I could translate the inner machinations of my mind, the stories I imagined, to the real world. (To this day I still imagine such things on my morning walks.)

However, in college I'd say there was a fairly abrupt shift in how I viewed the situation. I went from being upset that I didn't have friends to being content. Had I internalized my loneliness? Or had I never really wanted friends—perhaps I only felt bad not that I didn't have friends, but because I felt like society told me I should, and eventually I learned to reject society's message. Perhaps the latter is too flattering for me, but I never felt like I was alone in high school. On the contrary, I preferred to be alone. I was happiest when I was alone. I was happiest when I was alone in my dorm room playing games and watching anime (and reading and studying, of course).

Accepting introversion

I've seen a few videos, filled with loathing and self-hatred, of people explaining how they feel lonely and have no friends and how they're miserable. Never once have I felt such feelings. On the contrary, I've always felt much happier when I'm alone. Some of the greater joys I've had have been working alone, quietly in my room at my desk, on a problem I'm interested in.

Figure 2

An AI generated anime girl working at a desk (this is fun for me).

The shift in college, I think, was me not "accepting" that I didn't have any friends, but instead accepting that I didn't want any friends. I'm well aware society tells me that no man is an island, that I must have friends, and that the popular ones win in life. But I'm certain, beyond a reasonable doubt, that my answer for happiness in life is a rejection of such principles. Swann's Way couldn't have been written by a party animal. So too I'd prefer to accomplish my great life's works and goals alone. I know society shuns such principles. If someone dies alone and their body is found weeks later, the papers lament at what a pathetic loner that person must have been. As I write this, I'm certain that will be me, and all I can say I won't care what the papers will say when I'm dead—I'm doing this my way in life.

My idea of fun, my idea of fulfillment, has and always will be working on a problem as I sit in my room or at my desk. I could be working on a game, a programming problem, a LaTeX document, Spencerian script, etc., but this is where I find joy. I find little to no joy going out and socializing with people. Very much the contrary, I find it categorically exhausting. When I'm out with people, when I'm out talking, all I can think is "I really want to go home and be alone." It's not that I can't talk to people. I talk to people all day at my job. In fact, I deal with 100's of people at my job every day, and they find me really entertaining and fun. But regardless of how fun it is, I want to go home and be alone at the end of the day.

Happiness in solitude

I have so much fun working alone at my desk on problems. Right now, as I type away alone at my desk listening to videos on YouTube, this is my idea of fun. Quietly listening to music, the days news, alone. In fact, I feel like I'd travel more if I could do so alone. If I could never run into anyone. My goal in life isn't to be superior to other people, it's to be superior to my former self.

Figure 3

An AI generated anime girl eating alone at a restaurant (while I rarely eat out, I do imagine myself traveling a lone a lot).

Well, I don't know if I could job of explaining all this. I will most certainly have more to say about my solitude in the future. But I think this was a reasonably good first draft.

Additional Comments

There are a lot of ongoing problems at our school. I feel like many of them are the cumulative effect resulting from the soft bigotry of low expectations. Of constantly extending "grace", of constantly letting students their "mental" health as an excuse for their poor behavior and subpar academic performance. Ultimately, for me, I am the least persuaded by claims of subpar "mental" health because of my own strength. I've managed through severe and trying times (showing up to work every day when multiple members of my family were dying), so when I hear people complain all I can think of is "I got through it—you will too".

I feel like I hear a lot of people say we need to talk about mental health and emotions, and that kids these days (who talk about their emotions) are particularly good at it... but I don't think they're in tune with their emotional well-being at all. Being in tune with your emotions means you can take steps to solve your emotional situation. I rarely see this (even in adults). Instead, I see a bunch of people parrot vaguely understood psychological terms that they barely understand. If anything, I'd argue I'm a good example of someone with excellent social emotional well-being. I'm resolute. I understand who I am and I've accepted who I am. I also have goals of what I wish to be, which are independent of external validation.

Figure 4 The calligraphy pen I ordered

I wanted black and silver, but I was told the shop doesn't do custom orders (likely because they make all their garbage in China). So instead I picked purple and gold. I think black and gold may have been better, but it's too late. If I couldn't get black and silver, I figure I'll just switch both colors. Actually, upon looking at some other images of this purple color I think I like it. It's the gold/brass I dislike.

Today, I began the process, a process that will likely take years, of learning Copperplate calligraphy. Actually, I didn't start learning anything. All I really did was buy some of the nib holders that I plan to use. I bought one straight and one oblique nib. I've never learned with an oblique nib, and I think it may be better to simply start with one when learning Copperplate. I feel like I have have altered my Spencerian by only using a pencil. Consequently, I don't know how much my Spencerian practice will actually translate to Copperplate skills. Honestly, I think I may need to relearn the entire writing process given how unusual the oblique flex nib will likely feel to me. Maybe that's the long-term goal. Spencerian for practical writing (mainly with a pencil). Copperplate with a flex oblique nib for decorative calligraphy.

Several years ago, in 2018, I started saving all my discretionary income. And I mean effectively all of it for an entire year. Then, in late 2019, I had (almost) enough money to buy what I thought at the time would be my last watch (lol): The Vacheron Constantin Patrimony - Small Model (36mm) in White Gold. Looking back it now, shortly before the pandemic hit, I'm not certain why I was so in love with this watch an design. It looks, upon close and far inspection, to be a relatively plain watch. I wish I wrote down my opinions on it prior to purchasing it all those years ago... I think the main reason was the cost and brand prestige more than anything else, to be honest.

When I bought it I was actually about $1000 short (I didn't account for taxes), so I had to have my sister give me $1000. In exchange, I gave her my old Red Grape Rolex Oyster Perpetual. At the time, I somewhat regretted this decision, but I believe she wears it every day now (and gets compliments on it), so if that's the case then it most certainly was the right decision!

Figure 1 Vacheron Constantin Patrimony - Small Model (36mm) in White Gold

Vacheron Constantin reference 4100U/001G-B181. FujiFilm X100F ISO 200 f/5.6 1/40s.

Ironically, this watch would see me through significant life events for me and my family. I wore this watch every day through pandemic teaching (which was easily the lowest point in my teaching career). I owned this watch throughout the entirety of my sister's chemo treatments. I wore this watch when I watched Frozen II (and will wear it again when I watch Frozen III). I wore this watch when I scattered my Grandmother's ashes. I wore this watch when I scattered my Mother's ashes. To some extent, that may have been why I bought this watch. Through all the triumphs and tragedies, this watch was here. Simple white face with a black strap, it's for weddings, funerals, and everything in between. I think some people would call it a dress watch, actually I think most people would call it that, but to me it's just a plain watch.

Figure 2 Vacheron Constantin Patrimony - Small Model (36mm) in White Gold

Vacheron Constantin reference 4100U/001G-B181. FujiFilm X100F ISO 200 f/5.6 1/50s.

I don't think the Patrimony is particularly remarkable. On the contrary, it's so plain and simple I believe that is, indeed, the selling point. It's like a white t-shirt and black jeans (if you ignore the $25,000 cost). In my head, I jokingly tell myself it mimics the watch cartoon and anime characters. In those shows, whenever someone needs to have a watch, it's always a simple white face with a black strap (because no one is going to take the time to draw a detailed watch). But that definitely wasn't at all what I thought when I bought it. At the time, I spent an entire year's salary on it because it was expensive. I had then thought, as I still think now, that I will finally find happiness in my next purchase. At the bottom of this spending pit, I'll be content.

Additional Comments

I royally screwed up taking some photos of myself earlier. I focused to the background then walked into the shot with a timer, but because of that the background was in focus and I wasn't. I'm not really used to taking photos of myself like this, so it's something I'll need to practice. I think I need to focus on the background then pull in a bit to where I'm standing. Also I think the Leica M11 has a photo app that may work better than the FujiFilm one (which I tried and put down immediately). I really want to make a showcase of my favorite winter coat, and for that I'll need to be able to take photos myself effectively.

I need to work on Spencerian numbers. Regretfully, I scoffed at the idea of learning numbers when I first practiced Spencerian, oh now I regret such a error! I need to write numbers all the time. So too, I may begin learning Copperplate. I don't have much time now, because when I get home I practice Spencerian and that's effectively the end of my day. However, when I get a lot of time off for school I should be able to begin!

Anime discussion

The two best shows of the season for me, at this point, are Sousou no Frieren and Kikansha no Mahou wa Tokubetsu desu. I think I actually prefer Kikansha over Frieren because the specific format of battle school settings it has is something I've always enjoyed. This week, they're finally beginning their Alpha class promotion test, and Desir, Romantica, and Pram are squaring off against a group of Alpha class members. They effectively have to beat every single one to get promoted. It's really fun!

Figure 1 Kikansha no Mahou wa Tokubetsu desu

Romantica, Desir, and Pram about to enter the shadow realm for their alpha class promotion test.

Frieren's demon arc ended with her defeating Aura. The episode was mostly a flashback where we learned that Frieren has spent more or less her entire life concealing her mana. This means demons, like Aura, grossly underestimate her strength. The episode ends when Aura places Frieren's soul on the Scale of Obedience... only to find out Frieren has more mana. This mean Frieren gained control of Aura, after which she immediately ordered Aura to kill herself (she did). I don't think the next arc will be as strong as this one, as there were simply too many long payoff reveals here. But we'll see how it goes.

Figure 2 Frieren: Beyond Journey's End, Episode 10

Aura holding The Scales of Obedience.

The Demon Sword Master of Excalibur Academy is also still chugging along pretty steadily. Next episode it looks like we'll see the empress! The character designs in this show are simply gorgeous. All the girls look great. Hikikomari Kyuuketsuki no Monmon is still pretty darn weird. What I thought was a comedy show is shaping up into a horror show. We started out with yuri this episode, but then it went dark with the "Inverse Moon" cult making a comeback. I'm in Love with the Villainess was okay this week. I'm still waiting for more overt yuri, but Rae Taylor and Claire's interactions are still fun. Tearmoon Empire has the best reaction faces by a country mile. Every episode I have to roll my eyes at some of the faces Mia is making in the series. S-Rank Musume is a bit dull, but I'm sticking with it. We're nearing the end of Soaring Sky! Pretty Cure, and I'm not sure if we're going to get a masterclass ending. Oh, and I dropped SHY... it was simply too boring. I hate hero stuff anyways, so making an anime about a superhero just felt bad. I maybe would have enjoyed it more if she was a shy magical girl instead of a shy super hero.

Other Remarks

Leica US got back to me and told me they estimate a 3 week turnaround time for the M11 leather change. That was faster than I expected—I expected months. I also bought a 35mm lens and a few other accessories for it, so I'm ready to roll when I get this camera back. I also learned today that the FujiFilm x100 series is very popular on social media and TikTok. The X100v is sold out everywhere, and if you want to buy one you're paying $2000 (msrp is $1300). I have the older X100f, which is missing the better lens and weather sealing, but I still like it. I feel like I need to try some more experiments with the jpg "recipes" that I'm hearing so much about. I'll see if I can screw around with it tomorrow, but because I have the older version I'm not so sure I have the ability to change everything, or if the settings on mine are effectively fixed.

I still haven't decided where I'm going to take the camera. I should make some form if itinerary using Google Maps.

Figure 3 I got 120 Summoning in Runescape!

On my quest to get the 120/Comp cape, I achieved 120 summoning today! It took about 6-7 hours of aggressive spam clicking (which was miserable), but I got it.

As I type this, a Double XP Live event is currently ongoing in Runescape. I just got 120 Summoning earlier today, and I'm currently working on 120 Fletching as I type this. I'm on the road to the 120 Completion cape, with aspirations to eventually get the 120 Trimmed Completionist cape. That's going to take a year (or two), but I believe I'll get it eventually. Wish me luck!

Leica US finally confirmed they got my camera and sent me a repair number, but I have a feeling I won't see this camera for a LONG time. They have to send it back to Germany, and I don't even have an inclination that they've started that process. I haven't been given an invoice for the leather swap, either. And from what I've read online, when cameras get sent back to Leica Germany they're gone for weeks to months. Oh well. I knew I had to change the leather, so it's better to do it sooner rather than later, I suppose.

Figure 1 The FujiFilm 100F with cast members from Soaring Sky! Pretty Cure.

I wish I bought the Cure Wing plushie... but it was out of stock! It was actually the only one that was out of stock when I placed the order on AmiAmi.

What this means for me is the FujiFilm X100F is going to be sticking around for a little while longer. Rightfully so, I suppose. I didn't get a lot of use out of it as-is. The plan, then, is to practice using it the same way I'd use the M11. I use the range finder in manual focus only, for a "purer" set up. I think I'll try to bring it to school tomorrow to practice.

Other Remarks

I was, as the saying goes, "sick as a dog" for the past few days (although I must say that statement sounds rude to dogs, who seem perfectly well most of the time). I'm not sure what upper respiratory infection I had, but I definitely felt the worst I've ever felt in years, so much so that I was going to bed hours early, not sleep, but to lie there in agony. I still, too, and recovering now. And I have a cold sore on my lip, but it's terrible and rather hard to notice at a distance, so I'm actually not too upset about that. While I was sick, I actually began to appreciate how fortunate it is to feel well, and it made be reflect on the utter misery my mother must have went through—I know her pain was so much worse, for so much longer.

I now have a dream lens: the Leica Noctilux-M 75mm f/1.25. It costs an eye-watering $14,000, but knowing me I'll be able to assemble the funds for it eventually. I'll be honest, I really know very little about it and only like it because it's rare and expensive. If anything, I should consider other camera accessories first. I actually looked into Rolleiflex cameras, and positively love the design, but equally well positively hate film cameras, and the extra cost associated therein with development, so I can't imagine actually getting one. Would it not, then, be better to buy more Leica lenses for the same money? Or actually just travel further around, spending the money on food and supplies, and simply taking actual photos of nearby small towns. I think the answer is obvious.

I've purchased a lot of pens and pencils in my life. Many of which, for one reason or another, never got used. A few, I use periodically. And one or two, I use everyday. After years, decades, of using pencils almost every day, I'd like to take the time to showcase some of my favorite pencils and why I like them.

Faber-Castell TK Fine Dario in 0.35mm
The Vario is currently my most used pencil, easily getting around an hour or more day of continuous use. I needed a very small mechanical pencil to write in Spencerian script within a single line on a sheet of graph paper, so 0.35mm/0.30mm was required. I originally wanted to use a Rotring design, but I was unable to secure a Rotring 600 in black with a 0.35mm lead (I believe they no longer make them), so this made me consider the Faber-Castell TK Fina Vario. Initially, I didn't like this pencil because I have to hold the grip quite far back, so my hand is higher above the page. But after writing with it a bit I got used to it. I prefer softer lead, so I'm using 2B (which is also fun for a weak Nier reference).

Graf von Faber-Castell Perfect Pencil
At one point my most used pencil (after college, but prior to learning Spencerian), this is perhaps the only "luxury" pencil I own. I consider it largely a fashion statement at this point, and it slightly fell out of my favor given how hard the lead is. As time has gone on, I found myself preferring softer lead, even if softer lead is prone to smudging. I just want darker lines. The Perfect Pencil uses extraordinary hard lead in their base pencils (3H, if I had to guess). I also can't write very small Spencerian letters with them, so it somewhat fell out of favor for daily use. However, I still strongly feel this pencil is a major fashion statement, and whipping it out is a big flex in my book (along with the round eraser). So, to me, it's still a win!

Figure 1 A collection of my most used pencils (and erasers).

There are several Perfect Pencils from Graf von Faber-Castell, along with a Faber Castell TK Fine Vario (0.35mm) and a Rotring 800 (0.50mm). Staedtler's blue tube erasers are great, and I've been using them for more than a decade now!

Rotring 800 in 0.50mm
When I was in college, this was the only pencil I'd use. Every single assignment, homework, and test I'd take using the Rotring 800. It was always in my backpack. The sheer amount of work I got out of it should be a testament to how good this mechanical pencil is (I even got a compliment on it once!). If they made a Rotring 800 in 0.35mm, I'd but it immediately (actually I'd buy several). But I don't think 0.35mm is a popular size, and I can see why. Before I wrote in Spencerian, I'd never consider such a size. Actually, even now for regular writing I'd prefer 0.50mm for math, and perhaps a wood pencil for general writing.

Mitsu-bishi HI-uni in 4B (or 2B)
These are my "work horse" pencils. Pick a lead hardiness and this is what I used. I used these extensively through my Spencerian practice books, switching back to the Rotring 800 in 0.50mm only when the writing got prohibitively small. If I ever practice drawing again, I'll use these.

Staedtler's "Mars Plastic" Tube Eraser / GvFC Round Eraser
By far and away my most used erasers are from Staedtler. I've only exclusively used their tube erasers for over a decade (before then, I'd use a tube eraser from Pentel, but I got obsessed with German writing instruments in High school for a brief period so I switch to Staedtler). My only wish is that they made the tube part of the eraser in black (paint it black, or take it back), but I don't think that's in their branding. I also used the Graf von Faber-Castell round eraser for a time, but it fell out of favor because it's a bit hard to use (although I did buy a lifetime supply or refills!). Still, the round eraser is a strong fashion statement... perhaps the only eraser in the world that could be said to be a fashion statement, so I still like it.

Figure 2 Several pencil sharpeners that I own.

There's two smaller ones from Graf von Faber-Castell. The large silver one is the El Casco Pencil Sharpener, which is by far and away the best pencil sharpener I've ever used (others aren't even close). I like it so much, I bought two. One is on my desk, and another is in a safe downstairs!

El Casco Pencil Sharpener
When it comes to pencil sharpeners, though, there's simply no competition. There's every single pencil sharpener in the world, then there's the El Casco Pencil Sharpener. I learned of the El Casco in a satirical video about how an "expert" sharpens pencils. In said video, the host said "Here's the El Casco, it's the most expensive pencil sharpener in the world", and that's all she wrote. I knew I had to have one (I would eventually buy two because I liked the first so much). What makes it good is that it doesn't just sharpen the pencil, it givens the sharpened pencil a concave edge, and also doesn't remove the chisel tip on the lead in the process. It also looks great, so it's easily the best pencil sharpener on the market. The other two Graf von Faber-Castell ones are fashion accessories, and also because I like the brand I'd figure I'd complete the kit.

Introduction

Happy November! I had taught a rather interesting supplemental lesson today over Spencerian script to some students. I don't really think it went as well as I thought it would in my head, but I still enjoy the idea of teaching Spencerian script (in some capacity) to people. I may try to make a portion of my website with some simple templates for various sentences and letters. I'm could just as well put some of my other content (like notes, test, and quizzes), but I feel like that would be a bit too... risky. I don't want people I know in real life to know about Morganna's House (but anonymous internet users are fine!).

My Blackberry leather Leica M11 camera strap came in today. 3 day shipping from Austria via UPS (wow!). I thought it'd be a bit of a deeper purple, but in most lighting it comes off as a purple brown. Actually, I just compared it to the black FujiFilm X100F and it does indeed look reasonably purple. Perhaps I was too hard on it earlier. I still haven't heard back from Leica American that my camera is no their system yet, but I supposed it sill hasn't been 3-4 business days either. I'm not certain why I'm in a rush. When they send that camera back to Germany, I probably won't see it for months. I'll be lucky if I get it back by Christmas. But I suppose that gives me more time to get lenses and accessories and wait.

Cameras vs. Phones (for me?)

I have, of course, had a phone for a while. And while I do take photos with it periodically, I must say I never took a lot. I believe this is due, in part, to my total lack of friends. If I had a major social media presence, I imagine I would, perhaps, use my phone a bit more to take photos. But I also don't carry my phone a lot either (again, likely because I have few people to actually contact). In fact, the main use for my phone is an interface for Android Auto on my drive to work, and I only drive 10 minutes to get to work.

I think there are several reasons I like cameras over phones. The first is cameras imply a level of dedicated intentionality to what you're doing. It's the same reason that, for many years, I carried a dedicated mp3 player. I like having a single device that's really good at the one thing it does. The second reason, as discussed previously, is likely the cost. A dedicated camera costs way more than a phone, so luxury items are also appealing. Also, caners are appealing to me as a fashion accessory, and so too are they appealing because I feel like I can buy personality.

Figure 1

It took quite a few attempts for the AI to get good hand placement on both the camera and the phone. It actually feel like the hand placement shown above seems pretty natural if someone is trying to text while taking photos... which is a bad idea.

Broadly speaking, I feel like I want to be "friends" with my electronic devices. But I've never felt like I've ever been able to be a friend with a phone, because it does too many things. When I envision myself with a camera, I imagine myself going on adventures with it. But I can't imagine the same with a phone. Is it because I think a phone is a tool? No. I have many other tools that are more appealing than phones. I think it's because phones, to me, lack a level of romanticism that, for some reason, cameras have. The idea of taking a photo with a camera is more appealing than taking a photo with a phone that just so happens to have a camera. Maybe I just hate phones. I think that's a core reason, too. I type so slowly on phones and I'm so much faster than computers, my latent dislike of phones likely increases my native dislike of them being used as cameras.

Other Remarks

I often don't think about my deceased mother, but sometimes certain specific things trigger these Proustian lapses of involuntary memory. I just had one moments ago when I picked up some small sheets of paper. I used to use these smaller sheets of paper to hand to my mother to write Arby's orders on. She always went for me, even when it was expensive. I'm surprised how quickly the emotions appear, although they aren't particularly strong—it's not like I'm crying or anything, but the fact that I so strongly associate pieces of paper with something my mother did for me is a testament to the strength memories can serve. Her getting me food was, in many cases, the highlight of my week. The cumulative effect of all those positive memories is still something I value even a year or two after her death... I forgot how long it's been. I also found out my sister is currently at the FBI Academy in Quantico. Sounds exciting! I wished her luck moments ago via text message.

It's a bit funny... these entries. I'll be a bit confused on what to type, or where to start. But once I get going I find I have so much to say in this stream-of-consciousness method of typing that tons of ideas get put down on the page. I think the reason for this is that I can type pretty fast, so I can often type at the speed I can thing. The same can't be said when I write in Spencerian. Spencerian script is slow, methodical, and intentional, and pursuant to those restrictions I get fewer words on the page (although there is certainly, to me, a therapeutic value in the writing process). So too, I think, there is a therapeutic value, albeit of a slightly different nature, in the typing process. Hearing my keystrokes on my mechanical keyboard, seeing the text form on the page in Dreamweaver, it all feels good. It feels familiar to me. (In fact, I know people hate Dreamweaver and call it dated, but it's an old friend to me so I feel compelled to use it, and I will continue using it for as long as possible.)